A Cynical Look At Stupid Christmas Clocks

Stupid Christmas Clocks

Hey, do you like Christmas?

You know, all that stuff with tinsel, some big fat clown in a red outfit who calls himself Santa…and even the part about having to go to [gulp!] church on Christmas Eve??

Well, if so…then buzz off…get out of here. Go and read some lame little kids’ blog. Because, here at Online Clock, we like Halloween and we think Christmas sucks.

Do you know why Christmas sucks so bad?

Well, it’s got a lot to do with the taste of eggnog.

And it’s got even more to do with all those Christmas commercials on television.

But more than all of this it has to do with the godawful Christmas Clocks that you can find around stores during the Christmas Season.

We hate kitschy Christmas Clocks so much that we decided we’d collect the most ghastly specimens we could find and present them to you here, in our Alarm Clock Blog post lovingly entitled, “A Cynical Look At Stupid Christmas Clocks.”

So sit back in your big easy chair positioned next to that lit plastic Christmas tree and put your favorite Dean Martin Christmas album on the stereo.

Take another whiff of that frankincense and myrrh and try not to choke on the mistletoe.

We’re now going to show you some extremely bad Christmas Kitsch that’ll back up our case against the fat man in the red suit.

Evidence Number One: A Santa Puppet Dancing to the tune of Rock Around The Clock:

One, two, three o’clock, four o’clock – STOP. And somebody put a sock in that sock puppet’s mouth.

Evidence Number Two: A Round, Tingly Christmas Wall Clock:

It’s jingly, it’s jangly, and it’s just damned annoying. Ho ho ho? No no no.

Evidence Number Three: Mickey’s Clock Shop:

What’s the matter, can’t these people afford any rat traps in their houses?!

Evidence Number Four: The Santa’s Coming To Town Clock:

Not if we can help it – time to move. Quick, bolt your windows, doors and chimneys!

Evidence Number Five: The Santa’s Workshop Clock:

There he goes again, exploiting child labor. Santa seems to have everyone believing that they’re really forty-year-old elves…

That’s it…stop it…stop it right there.

We actually had a whole lot more kitschy Christmas Clocks that we wanted to show you but we can’t go on – we just hate them too much.

So go on…hit the road, people..nothing more to see here…go on and surf on over to some online shopping website where you can purchase your own Crappy and Stupid Christmas Clock for this festive season. You know you want to.

Bah, Clock-Bug!

Tags: alarm clock blog, christmas, christmas clocks, christmas kitsch, christmas sucks, christmas wall clocks, clocks, Crazy Clocks, eggnog, kitsch clocks, online clock